TRUST AGAIN

“I’m afraid of people”, Maria, an 8th grade middle school student, told me as she sat in my school counselor office one sunny day.

Maria continued, “I have problems because of things that have happened to me.”

It had taken a good part of the school year to get to know Maria– and to gain her trust. I maintained my caring approach from the beginning of the year, albeit, at a safe distance not to overwhelm her. While I had no idea what I would eventually learn about Maria; I sensed her hesitation to engage with anyone. She was quiet, timid, and only socialized with a few of her peers.

Following a small group discussion with other classmates in my office, where Maria remained silent, she suddenly asked to stay and talk with me as everyone else left to return to class. “Of course, let’s talk.” I replied warmly and guided her back to the table to sit across from one another.

Maria clearly had made the decision that she felt safe enough with me to share more about herself and her life. I felt a sense of relief that Maria had finally arrived to say what she needed to say– to help herself. However, I could not have possibly known the past trauma she would share with me within just a short 30-minute conversation.

Maria told me about the four different times she was sexually abused between the ages of nine and eleven-years old, by adult men. One was her mother’s boyfriend; the other three were friends who had visited her father’s house when she lived with him. She explained that all the cases were investigated and legal consequences were handled. For the most part, she felt safe, now living with her grandmother. Several years later since the traumas, Maria was realizing that her fear of people and interacting with them were getting in the way of experiencing healthy relationships. She was afraid of everyone’s motives when they talked with her. She was afraid to trust anyone. But she so desperately wanted to feel the comfort of friendships and to feel safe in interactions with teachers or other adults. She wanted this to feel better. She wanted to trust again.

It took enormous courage for Maria to speak up and say something– and to ask for help. It was terrifying; she had suffered unbelievable pain and harm. These were the terribly difficult hard things for Maria– to find safety from abuse and then how to learn to trust again.

Over the next year, Maria accepted my assistance to help her connect with ongoing professional therapy. It took time for her to feel safe and supported, but she continued with the sessions. It took time for her to allow herself to learn about herself and to acknowledge the strength she had within as she persevered through the many brave steps to reach a healthier life.

Maria progressed to high school and we were no longer in touch. A few years later, we crossed paths in the hallway of Maria’s high school, as I walked to a classroom to attend a workshop there. We talked briefly. Maria told me that she was doing well and she was happy– then she continued down the hallway with her group of friends. She did look very happy. That was all I needed to see. She had found her way through the very hard things of trauma in her younger life. It was her courage to ask for help and to trust again. It made all the difference.