GROWING UP WITH SCOLIOSIS

I was about to turn 13 when I slipped and fell down the stairs, fell so hard I passed out. When I woke up, I was riding to the hospital in an ambulance with my parents. At the hospital, they took x-rays and told me everything looked fine, just a mild concussion. They did, however, say that they noticed some abnormal curves in my spine, and made a diagnosis of scoliosis. The doctors in the ER referred me to a specialist.

I was scared and embarrassed. From what I could understand, my spine wasn’t perfectly straight. As a budding teenage perfectionist, this newfound bodily imperfection began to shame me. The specialist told my parents and I that they don’t know what causes scoliosis, and treatment was focused on slowing progression rather than “fixing” it. The curves in my spine were moderate- a couple more degrees would have landed me in the severe category, requiring surgery with metal rods. My treatment would require me to wear a brace for three years- one year of wearing it 24hrs a day, and two years of only wearing it at night.

I have a terrifying memory of the process of making the brace. I was deeply shy and modest, but this process required me to strip down naked and wear mesh underwear and a slip provided by the clinic. I was told to lay on an x-ray table in the middle of a room, with bright lights overhead. Then three men came in and wrapped my torso in plaster. They adjusted and moved my body in all different ways, using the x-ray imaging to guide how they made the mold. My body felt awkward and uncomfortable. I felt awkward and exposed, completely vulnerable as I felt like I lay on display while strange men had their hands all over me.

Once the rigid plastic brace was ready for me, I was instructed on how often to wear the brace and how to properly put it on. Putting the brace on required another person, as I had to lay face down on the ground, in the brace, while someone else velcroed it tightly. I felt so embarrassed and weak every time I did this.

Then I had to start wearing it to school. I was in 8th grade at the time, and this first year of bracing required me to wear the brace 24hrs a day, including to school. I was dreading this, but then discovered that the brace did hide well under my school uniform. I was so nervous that one of my classmates would see my brace, but no one ever did. Or if they did, no one made a big deal about it. Some of my friends knew I had to wear a brace, and they didn’t laugh or make fun of me. In fact, they didn’t treat me any different. I realized my other classmates were more concerned with how they looked, then why I was sitting up with perfect posture all the time.

Before I knew it, that first year of treatment was over. I only had to wear the brace at night now, which felt so much easier. The most challenging times were when I slept at friends' houses or when I traveled out of the country with my Girl Scout troop. Luckily, I had great friends who I trusted enough to have them help me put my brace on at night.

Today, I stand on the other side of this experience. This was definitely a hard experience for me, and it happened right at a time in my life when I felt most vulnerable in my body. I felt embarrassed and ashamed about my imperfection, and about wearing the brace. What helped me get through were my friends and family. They didn’t tell me this imperfection made me lesser, or laugh at my brace. They encouraged me, told me I was doing the right thing for my body, and helped in whatever way they could. This experience was hard, but getting through it taught me that I can do hard things.